New zombie fiction - Survival in The New Zed Order

[lomodus]

Hey folks, I'm new to this forum but looking around I can see that many members here are very discerning in what they read and I hope you don't mind taking a look at my own take on Zombies. I am posting my book, Survival in The New Zed Order, chapter by chapter on my website at http://newzedorder.synthasite.com, I'd love to hear any comments or suggestions you might have.

I'll warn you, my story is centered around family and the strength of family in the face of the end of the world. Some might like it, I hope. I have only let a few family and friends look at it up til now. I am new to writing, at least this form of writing, so bear with me.

If I shouldn't be posting this here, please remove this post with my apologies.
Thank you.
Lomodus
http://newzedorder.synthasite.com

Dior Gucci Prada Armani Burberry Sunglass Hundreds of New Arrivals:Now free Gift for you to choose on any orderGo and visit www.wendyluxury.comEmail: sale@wendyluxury.comMSN: wentingt@hotmail.comTEL: 1- 347-410-9089 fake handbags , replica Louis Vuitton , replica Gucci purses,fake designer handbags ,Chanel inspired handbags ,replica purses ,replica Chanel handbag,fake Gucci bags,Chanel inspired handbags,replica Chanel handbag,replica hermes handbag,replica PRADA handbag,replica CHLOE handbag

[SomewhatDamaged]

Just started reading what you have so far, will get back to you with my thoughts.

[SomewhatDamaged]

Ok I have read all of what you have posted. Firstly I would like to read more, you have the beginings of a decent story.
I would offer you these veiws as constructive critisim.
Firstly your pace is very quick, maybe too quick. Your story starts as the first reports of unrest are allready on the news. In my opinion establishing normalcy before the chaos will make the growing descent to despair all the more powerful.
I am a believer in strong characterisation. A trait best exemplified by Stephen King. He will spend pages & pages on his characters. The more you know a character, the more you can empathise will the peril they find themself in. Apart from the main couple who are pretty well defined we have a lot of people we know little about. The gathering at the parents house introduces multiple characters & I am struggling with who is who apart from Douglas.
Please don't think i'm picking holes, i'm not. I have enjoyed what I have read & as I said will be happy to read more. I would just slow the pace a tad.

[lomodus]

Thank you for the constructive criticism. I have heard from others as well, including my wife, that my pace is too quick. I am already thinking of rewriting chapter 1 at some point, but also I have been trying in the last couple of chapters to limit my interaction to only a handful of characters so we may get to know them better. I know that the mass introduction of so many characters was a bit clumsy.

I freely admit I am learning this as I go.

Thanks for taking the time to read what I have written and I will take your advice to heart.

[SomewhatDamaged]

Originally Posted by lomodus

Thank you for the constructive criticism. I have heard from others as well, including my wife, that my pace is too quick. I am already thinking of rewriting chapter 1 at some point, but also I have been trying in the last couple of chapters to limit my interaction to only a handful of characters so we may get to know them better. I know that the mass introduction of so many characters was a bit clumsy.

I freely admit I am learning this as I go.

Thanks for taking the time to read what I have written and I will take your advice to heart.

I'm still reading as you post more chapters. It's a zombie story after all & that's all good in my opinion.
I don't think you need a rewrite of any chapters. What you have works. I think just add to what you have in each chapter. For example at the warehouse when the survivors load up on supplies. That could have, if you wanted it to been quite a tense moment. A deserted warehouse, each person on edge, looking & listening intently for any movement or noise. Row upon row of racking, behind any of which a zombie might lurk.
That's just a suggestion. You have my respect for writing it & publishing it online.
Keep the chapters coming

[michaelmyerslives07]

Im a young writer and most people I show my work to say its impresive for a person my age to be writing with such power and emotion and obviously horror. I just have trouble with length. My stories are 30 pages at least. Is that to short and do you have any tips?

[SomewhatDamaged]

Originally Posted by michaelmyerslives07

Im a young writer and most people I show my work to say its impresive for a person my age to be writing with such power and emotion and obviously horror. I just have trouble with length. My stories are 30 pages at least. Is that to short and do you have any tips?

Why don't you post a link to one of your stories? It would be easier to offer advice having read something of yours.

[lomodus]

Chapter 12 is up, for anyone reading my story. I've tried to take the advice given, slowed things down a bit and worked on being a bit more descriptive in some of the darker places my characters go.

With Chapter 12 I am starting a new phase of the story. I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks for reading!

[michaelmyerslives07]

Originally Posted by SomewhatDamaged

Why don't you post a link to one of your stories? It would be easier to offer advice having read something of yours.

Well, seeing as im young i dont really want to embarise myself seeing as im writing horror and its not too scary.

Well, actually, seeing as in english we have been doing coursework and my fiction writing was a horror story i will post it as soon as i find the draft I wrote seeing as my coursework has been handed in.
So please tell me what you guys think. Oh, and dont be disapointed since it was ment to be 450 words or less and no talking for some reason. I will rewrite it with speach and as long as i want. Wissh me luck, lol.

[SomewhatDamaged]

Originally Posted by michaelmyerslives07

Well, seeing as im young i dont really want to embarise myself seeing as im writing horror and its not too scary.

Well, actually, seeing as in english we have been doing coursework and my fiction writing was a horror story i will post it as soon as i find the draft I wrote seeing as my coursework has been handed in.
So please tell me what you guys think. Oh, and dont be disapointed since it was ment to be 450 words or less and no talking for some reason. I will rewrite it with speach and as long as i want. Wissh me luck, lol.

You won't embarress yourself. None of us are successful horror novelists, if I was I wouldn't be getting up tomorrow at 4.30am to drag my tired carcass to work. What I, & anyone else can do is read your work & give you feedback. Tell you what works & what doesn't & make suggestions.
I think a lot of horror fans are frustrated authors. How many times have we all watched a movie or read a horror novel & thought "I could do a better job tha that"? I have scribblings of my own I should tidy up & put out there to be read. So watch this space

[lomodus]

I just posted Chapter 14. I have received comments that it's the best chapter yet, so I hope anyone here who looks at it enjoys it. I'm always open to comments and constructive criticism.

[SomewhatDamaged]

Yep i'm still reading, keep the chapters coming

[lomodus]

Chapter 13 is up. The mystery deepens, and zombie killing adventure ensues. I hope everyone who reads it enjoys it.

[SomewhatDamaged]

Yep still reading, the army base stuff really worked (don't want to give anything away if someone hasn't read it)