New zombie fiction - Survival in The New Zed Order

[lomodus]

Hey folks, I'm new to this forum but looking around I can see that many members here are very discerning in what they read and I hope you don't mind taking a look at my own take on Zombies. I am posting my book, Survival in The New Zed Order, chapter by chapter on my website at http://newzedorder.synthasite.com, I'd love to hear any comments or suggestions you might have.

I'll warn you, my story is centered around family and the strength of family in the face of the end of the world. Some might like it, I hope. I have only let a few family and friends look at it up til now. I am new to writing, at least this form of writing, so bear with me.

If I shouldn't be posting this here, please remove this post with my apologies.
Thank you.
Lomodus
http://newzedorder.synthasite.com

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[SomewhatDamaged]

Just started reading what you have so far, will get back to you with my thoughts.

[SomewhatDamaged]

Ok I have read all of what you have posted. Firstly I would like to read more, you have the beginings of a decent story.
I would offer you these veiws as constructive critisim.
Firstly your pace is very quick, maybe too quick. Your story starts as the first reports of unrest are allready on the news. In my opinion establishing normalcy before the chaos will make the growing descent to despair all the more powerful.
I am a believer in strong characterisation. A trait best exemplified by Stephen King. He will spend pages & pages on his characters. The more you know a character, the more you can empathise will the peril they find themself in. Apart from the main couple who are pretty well defined we have a lot of people we know little about. The gathering at the parents house introduces multiple characters & I am struggling with who is who apart from Douglas.
Please don't think i'm picking holes, i'm not. I have enjoyed what I have read & as I said will be happy to read more. I would just slow the pace a tad.

[lomodus]

Thank you for the constructive criticism. I have heard from others as well, including my wife, that my pace is too quick. I am already thinking of rewriting chapter 1 at some point, but also I have been trying in the last couple of chapters to limit my interaction to only a handful of characters so we may get to know them better. I know that the mass introduction of so many characters was a bit clumsy.

I freely admit I am learning this as I go.

Thanks for taking the time to read what I have written and I will take your advice to heart.

[SomewhatDamaged]

Thank you for the constructive criticism. I have heard from others as well, including my wife, that my pace is too quick. I am already thinking of rewriting chapter 1 at some point, but also I have been trying in the last couple of chapters to limit my interaction to only a handful of characters so we may get to know them better. I know that the mass introduction of so many characters was a bit clumsy.

I freely admit I am learning this as I go.

Thanks for taking the time to read what I have written and I will take your advice to heart.

I'm still reading as you post more chapters. It's a zombie story after all & that's all good in my opinion.
I don't think you need a rewrite of any chapters. What you have works. I think just add to what you have in each chapter. For example at the warehouse when the survivors load up on supplies. That could have, if you wanted it to been quite a tense moment. A deserted warehouse, each person on edge, looking & listening intently for any movement or noise. Row upon row of racking, behind any of which a zombie might lurk.
That's just a suggestion. You have my respect for writing it & publishing it online.
Keep the chapters coming :)

[michaelmyerslives07]

Im a young writer and most people I show my work to say its impresive for a person my age to be writing with such power and emotion and obviously horror. I just have trouble with length. My stories are 30 pages at least. Is that to short and do you have any tips?

[SomewhatDamaged]

Im a young writer and most people I show my work to say its impresive for a person my age to be writing with such power and emotion and obviously horror. I just have trouble with length. My stories are 30 pages at least. Is that to short and do you have any tips?

Why don't you post a link to one of your stories? It would be easier to offer advice having read something of yours.

[lomodus]

Chapter 12 is up, for anyone reading my story. I've tried to take the advice given, slowed things down a bit and worked on being a bit more descriptive in some of the darker places my characters go.

With Chapter 12 I am starting a new phase of the story. I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks for reading!

[SomewhatDamaged]

Yep i'm still reading, keep the chapters coming :teeth:

[lomodus]

Chapter 13 is up. The mystery deepens, and zombie killing adventure ensues. I hope everyone who reads it enjoys it.

[michaelmyerslives07]

Why don't you post a link to one of your stories? It would be easier to offer advice having read something of yours.


Well, seeing as im young i dont really want to embarise myself seeing as im writing horror and its not too scary.

Well, actually, seeing as in english we have been doing coursework and my fiction writing was a horror story i will post it as soon as i find the draft I wrote seeing as my coursework has been handed in.
So please tell me what you guys think. Oh, and dont be disapointed since it was ment to be 450 words or less and no talking for some reason. I will rewrite it with speach and as long as i want. Wissh me luck, lol.

[SomewhatDamaged]

Well, seeing as im young i dont really want to embarise myself seeing as im writing horror and its not too scary.

Well, actually, seeing as in english we have been doing coursework and my fiction writing was a horror story i will post it as soon as i find the draft I wrote seeing as my coursework has been handed in.
So please tell me what you guys think. Oh, and dont be disapointed since it was ment to be 450 words or less and no talking for some reason. I will rewrite it with speach and as long as i want. Wissh me luck, lol.

You won't embarress yourself. None of us are successful horror novelists, if I was I wouldn't be getting up tomorrow at 4.30am to drag my tired carcass to work. What I, & anyone else can do is read your work & give you feedback. Tell you what works & what doesn't & make suggestions.
I think a lot of horror fans are frustrated authors. How many times have we all watched a movie or read a horror novel & thought "I could do a better job tha that"? I have scribblings of my own I should tidy up & put out there to be read. So watch this space :lmao:

[lomodus]

I just posted Chapter 14. I have received comments that it's the best chapter yet, so I hope anyone here who looks at it enjoys it. I'm always open to comments and constructive criticism.

[SomewhatDamaged]

Yep still reading, the army base stuff really worked (don't want to give anything away if someone hasn't read it)

[SomewhatDamaged]

Need more chapters!

[lomodus]

Chapter 15 is up! This one has a few surprises, so I hope you find it enjoyable. I promise the next one won't take so long in coming.

Let me know what you think.

Thank you.

[lomodus]

Chapter 16 is up, and with that, the end of Book One. I hope everyone who read it enjoyed it. I'm going to be leaving the entire book up for a short time, then I will be bringing some of it back down in preparation for publishing. I hope everyone who has been reading it gets a chance to read the whole thing before that as a way of saying thanks for all the helpful feedback I've received.

[lomodus]

Thank you very much for the kind words. I have taken the book down (except the first four chapters) in order to have it printed. It will be available for purchase in mid-September on Amazon, the new title is SURVIVE: The New Zed Order, Book One. There will be a link from my site http://newzedorder.synthasite.com as soon as it is available. The printed form includes a few very minor changes as well as pages from John's private journal.

I am currently working on Book Two of The New Zed Order, as well as Jesse's Story, a story that runs concurrently with Book One. Check my site for more information on both of these projects, as soon as it is available.

Thanks again to everyone who read my book and gave me such helpful feedback.

-Todd Sprague
http://newzedorder.synthasite.com

[lomodus]

The New Zed Order: Survive

is now available in book form. This new version features notes from John Mason's private journal. Please visit my site at http://newzedorder.synthasite.com for more information. Thank you.

-Todd Sprague

[lomodus]

The new site for the book is www.newzedorder.com. It can still be accessed at the old site as well. Keep watching, I'll post something from the second, upcoming book soon. Thanks for everyone who's been reading and sending me comments!

[lomodus]

Survive is now available for the Kindle for only $4.99! Check it out at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B002V1I4KE.

Thanks for reading!

-Todd Sprague
www.newzedorder.com

[lomodus]

Hey folks, there are a couple of reviews for Survive up on the Amazon Kindle order site http://www.amazon.com/dp/B002V1I4KE, so far Survive has a 4.5 out of 5 star rating!

[lomodus]

Survive is now available in several different ebook formats at Smashwords.com here (http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/7335)

There should be something for every ebook reader or netbook or smartphone. Enjoy!

www.newzedorder.com