42nd Street Freak
12-12-2004, 05:46 AM
Well the new "Blade" film is here, and it's here to slay! It's here to KILL. Kill the franchise that is.
****OBVIOUS SPOILERS****
Let's go through the many glaring plot holes and general stupid things on display here:
1) The Vampires. Looks like all the quality stock has been killed off in the first 2 films and we are left with stroppy, child-like creatures with the IQ of a dead frog.
2) The Vampire plan to set up Blade. OH! How VERY helpful that the one guy they needed to survive a raging battle, did.
And how helpful he just happend to live long enough to crawl into the open to be helpfully filmed.
There is no reason why this guy (or any other humans they had) was not killed off when the warehouse blew up right at the start, or in the fight that followed. Or in the following car chase even.
Who is to say this guy would EVER survive long enough to very handily crawl away from a huge car crash to lie in full view on a raod so they could film his death.
Talk about having a plan that relies totally on blind luck for it to work!
3) If human life is so precious (vampire Familier's aside) how come Whistler was willing to shoot dozens of innocent SWAT guys and then blow the hell out of countless more in his rigged explosion?
If Human life is this meaningless (how many innocent familes are now without fathers??) it makes you wonder WHY they are even bothering to protect it from Vampires in the first place!
4) They want Blade dead!!!! They CAPTURE Blade. They clamp Blade in a chair so he can't move, they DRUG Blade, they have him helpless in the hands of 2 'Familiers' after getting rid of the FBI. SO WHY NOT KILL HIM?
They don't want him for anything, they want him gone, dead....and here he is helpless in their hands.
And they do nothing.
5) King. What an annoying creation. How i wish this was called "Blade: Duo".
It seems you can't have anything too serious anymore in horror aimed at teens, so lets have a guy whose sole purpose is to spout lame jokes and drown everything under oh so hip humour.
And what a great example of bad writing. "Lets say FUCK and DICK endlessly because that is so funny".
No, it's not. Swearing can work, when done right. But not in this case.
Moron writing. How I wish he had died 5 seconds after he appeared.
6) Whistler's death was stupidly matter of fact. And made worse by the fact his Daughter could not give a shit it seems. Not one...NOT ONE sign of any emotion at the news of her dad's death. yet we have floods of angst when the blind woman is killed!! Fuck all for poor ol' Daddy though!
7) Shaun Hutson should SUE! Anyone who has read the excellent "Assassins" by Brit author Shaun Hutson will know there is a Hitman character in the book who likes to slam some Heavy Metal tunes on his 'Walkman' when he goes on a job! Sounds familier?
Now in Hutson's case they guy was a hitman and so identified a target, went out, shot them, left. It was an over the top idea but it worked because as an assassin he identified and located his target beforehand.
In "Balde" Whistler's Daughter had an MP3 player (nice way of getting a bit of Sony iPod money into the budget!) that she played while in the middle of a pitched battle. With enemies coming from everywhere.
Best NOT to lose one of your vital senses then, hearing, by being deafened by music!
Good job no one crept up behind her...as she would never have fucking well herard them!
10 ) Bow and arrows. Hmmmm...yeah, if i was going up gainst superhuman powered Vampires with machine guns i'd take a bow with me too!
VERY nice of the gun blasting Vampires to miss her when she stands right in front of them and SLOWLY draws back the bow string and SLOWLY aims at them as well!! Awful!
9) Seeing as they big up the fact about Dracula being real, and mention Stoker's book in fact...then you would have thought that Blade would not be so confused at why Dracula can survive sunlight. As he could in Stoker's book of the same name!! Sunlight never killed Dracula Mr Expert Vampire Slayer.
8 ) Well???? Did King tell them what the secret weapon was? a BIG chunk of screentime is wasted on 'King prick' being beaten up and then threatened to spill the beans on the plans of Blade. And in the end it SEEMS to show he will tell.
Well, did he? It's never mentioned again.
And even IF he did, why not just kill/turn him right after insread of just beating him up a bit more?
And IF the Vamps did know the plans they never mention it, never do anything about it and actually given the viral nature of the weapon...what could they do anyway?
A whole secton of the film that was utterly pointless and was (like the whole FBI plot) forgotten about.
When Whistler's Daughter killed those loud mouth, low IQ, baseball cap/shorts wearing skateboard riding, 'Dude' spouting, teen Vamps on the subway platform I thought for a minute that this film had actually killed off examples of the modern audience that most of todays shit heap horror films are aimed at. Thus making them the rubbish they are.
"Good" I thought! Sadly they decided to still target this film to that audience.
NOT one to add to the "Blade" DVD collection.
****OBVIOUS SPOILERS****
Let's go through the many glaring plot holes and general stupid things on display here:
1) The Vampires. Looks like all the quality stock has been killed off in the first 2 films and we are left with stroppy, child-like creatures with the IQ of a dead frog.
2) The Vampire plan to set up Blade. OH! How VERY helpful that the one guy they needed to survive a raging battle, did.
And how helpful he just happend to live long enough to crawl into the open to be helpfully filmed.
There is no reason why this guy (or any other humans they had) was not killed off when the warehouse blew up right at the start, or in the fight that followed. Or in the following car chase even.
Who is to say this guy would EVER survive long enough to very handily crawl away from a huge car crash to lie in full view on a raod so they could film his death.
Talk about having a plan that relies totally on blind luck for it to work!
3) If human life is so precious (vampire Familier's aside) how come Whistler was willing to shoot dozens of innocent SWAT guys and then blow the hell out of countless more in his rigged explosion?
If Human life is this meaningless (how many innocent familes are now without fathers??) it makes you wonder WHY they are even bothering to protect it from Vampires in the first place!
4) They want Blade dead!!!! They CAPTURE Blade. They clamp Blade in a chair so he can't move, they DRUG Blade, they have him helpless in the hands of 2 'Familiers' after getting rid of the FBI. SO WHY NOT KILL HIM?
They don't want him for anything, they want him gone, dead....and here he is helpless in their hands.
And they do nothing.
5) King. What an annoying creation. How i wish this was called "Blade: Duo".
It seems you can't have anything too serious anymore in horror aimed at teens, so lets have a guy whose sole purpose is to spout lame jokes and drown everything under oh so hip humour.
And what a great example of bad writing. "Lets say FUCK and DICK endlessly because that is so funny".
No, it's not. Swearing can work, when done right. But not in this case.
Moron writing. How I wish he had died 5 seconds after he appeared.
6) Whistler's death was stupidly matter of fact. And made worse by the fact his Daughter could not give a shit it seems. Not one...NOT ONE sign of any emotion at the news of her dad's death. yet we have floods of angst when the blind woman is killed!! Fuck all for poor ol' Daddy though!
7) Shaun Hutson should SUE! Anyone who has read the excellent "Assassins" by Brit author Shaun Hutson will know there is a Hitman character in the book who likes to slam some Heavy Metal tunes on his 'Walkman' when he goes on a job! Sounds familier?
Now in Hutson's case they guy was a hitman and so identified a target, went out, shot them, left. It was an over the top idea but it worked because as an assassin he identified and located his target beforehand.
In "Balde" Whistler's Daughter had an MP3 player (nice way of getting a bit of Sony iPod money into the budget!) that she played while in the middle of a pitched battle. With enemies coming from everywhere.
Best NOT to lose one of your vital senses then, hearing, by being deafened by music!
Good job no one crept up behind her...as she would never have fucking well herard them!
10 ) Bow and arrows. Hmmmm...yeah, if i was going up gainst superhuman powered Vampires with machine guns i'd take a bow with me too!
VERY nice of the gun blasting Vampires to miss her when she stands right in front of them and SLOWLY draws back the bow string and SLOWLY aims at them as well!! Awful!
9) Seeing as they big up the fact about Dracula being real, and mention Stoker's book in fact...then you would have thought that Blade would not be so confused at why Dracula can survive sunlight. As he could in Stoker's book of the same name!! Sunlight never killed Dracula Mr Expert Vampire Slayer.
8 ) Well???? Did King tell them what the secret weapon was? a BIG chunk of screentime is wasted on 'King prick' being beaten up and then threatened to spill the beans on the plans of Blade. And in the end it SEEMS to show he will tell.
Well, did he? It's never mentioned again.
And even IF he did, why not just kill/turn him right after insread of just beating him up a bit more?
And IF the Vamps did know the plans they never mention it, never do anything about it and actually given the viral nature of the weapon...what could they do anyway?
A whole secton of the film that was utterly pointless and was (like the whole FBI plot) forgotten about.
When Whistler's Daughter killed those loud mouth, low IQ, baseball cap/shorts wearing skateboard riding, 'Dude' spouting, teen Vamps on the subway platform I thought for a minute that this film had actually killed off examples of the modern audience that most of todays shit heap horror films are aimed at. Thus making them the rubbish they are.
"Good" I thought! Sadly they decided to still target this film to that audience.
NOT one to add to the "Blade" DVD collection.